My baby got Angel Wings

It's really hard to believe that 10 years ago this evening, I had the opportunity to watch my first born gain his Angel Wings. So much has happened in the last ten years and I think that this is probably the first year that I have been happy during this time of year. I have smiled and even had a laugh or two over the last few days. It has taken me years to get to this point, but time does heal some of the pain of loosing a child. No it's not something that goes away, but I think I have made it to the point that instead of looking back I want to look forward. Forward to our reunion in years to come.

I was thinking yesterday on my walk home from sewing class about all of us sitting at the funeral home after we had brought Ben back to Jacksonville. Now I have never told this story to many people before, so I hope that you get a good laugh out of it too. If you know my Mom, then this is very out of the ordinary for her! But it is one of my most favorite memories of her. I will probably tell this story at her own funeral (many YEARS from now!) Back to the funeral home: This really nice lady is trying to make the best of the whole situation and let me tell you it had been a very long few days for all of us and our parents. Well they try to be nice at the funeral home asking for the money up front because that is the nature of the business. **So if someone dies, YES you are expected to pay BEFORE services are rendered! Don't say you were not warned!** We take care of all that side. My jaw just about hit the floor when we saw the bill that digging that little hole would be $300!! If I would have been feeling better, I would have gone and dug it myself. Then it was some outrageous price per mile to drive Ben over to the city cemetery, so we told the lady that we would pick Ben up ourselves. Not like his coffin would take up much room in my mom's minivan. He fit just fine in the back for that short ride a few days later. 

Back to the funny part of this whole thing. This lady was still talking to all of us. She went into this whole speech about how we needed three things during our time of loss. The first one was to drink plenty of water **she was holding her hands like she was holding 2 pitchers of water**. This was because we are going to be crying a lot and she didn't want us to get dehydrated! About this time, my mom puts her head down and I swear the woman has lost it. I think major break down right there in the funeral home. I am trying to keep it together for her and just pat her on the back. What else am I supposed to do? 

Then here comes reason two. You need comfortable shoes! Why? Because we are going to be doing a lot of walking and if I wanna go barefoot, then that was okay too. She said no one would remember or recognize that I didn't have shoes on. Now my mom is really starting to loose it. Just heaving up and down with big breaths and what I think are sobs.

And lastly there was reason number three. I can wear anything I want to the funeral. I mean who wants to go to a funeral in all black right? I want to wear red and this lady told me I could! Awesome. The sobs are still coming from my mom. 

The lady after giving this really cool speech quietly excuses herself from the room so we can have a few minutes to ourselves as a family. This is when I find out that my mom was NOT crying at all or having some break down, but trying not to LAUGH at this lady! Oh I could have wrung her neck, but all I could do was laugh! The woman could have won an Oscar with trying to hide her laughs! After everything we had all been through, all you can do is laugh. It is okay to laugh! I think all of us took a few minutes to gather ourselves and have a good laugh. The rest of us that night there were cracks about drinking plenty of water and "Did you find yourself comfortable shoes?"

I hope that all of you got a good laugh today! All of you mom's and dad's please give your babies an extra hug tonight before bed! Grandma's and grandpa's say an extra prayer for your grandbabies or give them a call just to say hi! 

I may not have my little man here with me today, but I am super excited that he got his 10 year Angel Wings badge today. I know he is working hard on the other side of the veil and is surrounded by those in our family who have gone on ahead. Katy wants me to remind everyone that Ben is keeping close watch over my Nutmeg, Lee the beagle, Sadie our very loved yellow lab, Pepper our "Very Special" black lab, and Dusty the horse too! 

Here is the link to the post with Ben's Birthday Story for everyone to read if you would like. Just click here! 

-------> Ben's Birthday Story <---------

If you know someone that has lost a baby or just needs to talk, please feel free to give them my name. Sometimes it's great just to listen to someone who has been in a similar situation. 

I love you Benjamin Alexander, my little man with Angel Wings!

Middle of September

I guess that I am doing better. It hasn't been months between posts :-)

This week was fun! It was my birthday and a good one at that! I first got to celebrate by going shopping at a great kids consignment sale. It's so much fun to shop and getting to shop for bargins too is even better.

Hannah looked really cute one morning this week and I couldn't help but take her picture. She is starting to look older. Maybe it might be how long her hair is getting, but that's my little Hannah.

She invited me to school on my birthday to watch her take apart some owl pellets. For those of you who don't know what those are. In simple terms, it is what the owl throws up after eating. Hannah and Ashley looked like they were having a great time finding out what was in them. I love being able to go to class and see what my kids are doing!

I have been getting some good deals on eBay for the girls and it just so happened that an outfit that I got at the consignment sale for Katy or Ruby matched a dress that I got for Hannah off of eBay! Katy wanted to wear it first and Hannah had to go try her new dress on. I think they are so cute!!!

Then it was time for Ruby to try on her dress for the cruise boat! I can't believe that I am getting my Ruby into a dress. She is a skirt and shirt type of girl in all ways. I saw this dress and splurged a little, but anything for her to be in a dress. I think that this will be a big hit in just a few weeks!!

Katy had to get in on the picture action and show off her new Tinkerbell costume!

The end of the school week was fun too! Ruby got to go on a field trip around Jacksonville! We have been to many of the places before with the Children's House, but a field trip is a field trip right??
Here she is in the new bakery that only makes cupcakes. I sure hope that it opens soon because they are so yummy!!

We got to go to the flower shop for flowers too. Then back to the library to see around the children's section and get read a story :-) We met up with the class that her best friend, Brody is in. Us mom's could not pass up a picture opportunity of Ruby and Brody together! I just can't believe how tall Brody is getting!

Ruby got to go over to the bank and look in the bank vault. Of course it would be my kid who said "What ya got in there?" in Ruby style! When it was asked what do you keep in a safe deposit box, Ruby of course yelled out "Your Passport!" Mrs. Starr said "Yep, she knows she is going on vacation soon!"

Here is our last picture after we got to go to Roma's! No Ruby did not make that little boy cry. He has really bad allergies. Ruby is getting so big too!!!

We went out for ice cream and found ourselves at Walgreen's to turn in a movie to red box. The halloween stuff is out and here is a little bit of scarry for all of you!

My birthday week ended with Steve taking me white water rafting. It was a great trip and so much fun! I don't know how I have missed out on that all these years. I so can't wait until Katy is 12 so that we can take all the girls with us. Sorry that we don't have any pictures from that. They take pictures and make you pay big bucks for them. Just trust me when I say I had a great time with Steve for the whole day! My day even ended with me getting a blizzard at Dairy Queen :-)

So there is a little bit of my week!! I am sure there will be many more adventures this week too.

10 years ago today..........

So many people have asked about today. Where were you when the world stopped turning? We all know what it means. As I sit here watching the memorials and glued to the tv, I am taken back to that morning 10 years ago today. The sky was just as blue as it was that morning all those years ago. So peaceful and time does heal wounds, but I will never forget. As now I have three little girls, I will tell them of the things that happened that fall morning. The heroes who ran into the buildings to save people. The heroes on the plane who would not let those men hit their target. The innocent people who lost their lives. I will let them know of the strength of those who have carried on. Even in our darkest days the Lord was there. He was there to bless all of us and to help us know he was still there for us.

Today I am at home with Katy. I sit and watch and remember. I so wish that I could be at church with Steven and my girls. He was asked to talk in sacrament meeting today. Steven asked me yesterday what he should talk on and my reply was simple. Talk about 9/11. He sat and wrote a beautiful talk today. I am sure that many will be touched. His words are simple, but yet so powerful. The comfort that all of us look for, but yet they are the words that we need to hear. To take pause and to remember.

I am sure that Steve will not be too happy that I am putting this on here, but I think it is something that we could all use on this day. Here is his talk:

Today is a somber day for those of us living here in the United States. There are many within the sound of my voice that may not have been old enough or even born to remember. It was around this time ten years ago I found myself dressed for work, but glued to the television. There was some big news stories being covered, and my morning ritual usually consisted of watching the last few minutes of the news before heading to work. It was only about 7:50 in the morning, so I had a few minutes before I had to leave, so thought I would watch to see what the excitement was. Within minutes after sitting down to see what was going on, in view, live on camera, I watched a plane hit the second tower at the WTC, quickly followed by an explosion of fire. I thought I was watching a movie at first, news anchors were in shock, and soon thereafter, America, we, came to the realization that America was being attacked.

Carolyn Beug was living in California with her husband and their three children, whom she called her “little bunnies.” When her twin daughters received scholarships to design school in Rhode Island, she booked airline tickets to take them to school and settle them in before their first semester of college began. She invited her mother, Mary Alice Wahlstrom of Utah, to join them for the trip.

Carolyn and Mary Alice were aboard Flight 11 on their way home when it was hijacked and flown into the North Tower of the World Trade Center.

For several weeks, Brady Howell and his wife, Liz, had been planning a trip from Washington D.C. to Brady’s native Idaho, USA, so that they could spend some time with family. They were to leave on Thursday, September 13.

But two days before that, Brady was killed in the attack on the United States Pentagon. Carson, Brady’s brother commented:

“I know that millions of people have suffered the loss of a loved one. Eventually, we all go through that experience. … I would tell [others] … that there are people who love them and care about them and want to support them and that the gospel of Jesus Christ brings hope. You can overcome it. That is a message that I would like to share—that hope isn’t lost, and life does go on.”

These are two stories, specifically of Latter-day Saint families, but there are thousands of other stories and I am imagine that many of you also have your own that may be running through your mind as I share these brief experiences with you.

In the April 2011 general conference, Elder Russell M. Nelson taught this:

“We live in a time of turmoil. Earthquakes and tsunamis wreak devastation, governments collapse, economic stresses are severe, the family is under attack, and divorce rates are rising. We have great cause for concern. But we do not need to let our fears displace our faith. We can combat those fears by strengthening our faith.”
“It is true. We live to die, and we die to live again. From an eternal perspective, the only death that is truly premature is the death of one who is not prepared to meet God.”

9 days after the attacks of 10 years ago, with feelings of fear for the life of my new wife of only 9 months, and finding myself looking in the skies every time a plane flew by, I found myself in the parking lot at work, sitting in my black Chevy truck. I had just received a call from Alicia that it was “time” and I sat there thinking about what it would be like to become a father and the responsibilities that would accompany it. How could I possibly be comfortable with bringing a child into a world that was now filled with war and turmoil, fear of terrorists, and one in which the adversary seems to reign without a care for any of us who have been placed upon this earth to experience mortality.

I offered up a prayer that I would be ready for what was about to occur, not realizing that the answers I sought would come in a much different way than I imagined in my mind. The evening came and went as my wife and I waited in the hospital for the return of our son from Atlanta for an emergency surgery that was not successful. I remember sitting there and Alicia’s mother came in to speak with us after a rough night sleep where neither one of us really “slept”. She grabbed Alicia by the face ever so gently and let her know she loved her and spoke of “faith” and staying strong and remembering what we know about life after death. It was this moment that reminded me of the counsel Elder Nelson gave in the same talk in April Conference. He spoke to the parents about teaching faith. He said:

“Start with your children. You parents bear the primary responsibility to strengthen their faith. Let them feel your faith, even when sore trials come upon you. Let your faith be focused on our loving Heavenly Father and His Beloved Son, the Lord Jesus Christ. Teach that faith with deep conviction. Teach each precious boy or girl that he or she is a child of God, created in His image, with a sacred purpose and potential. Each is born with challenges to overcome and faith to be developed.

Teach of faith in God’s plan of salvation. Teach that our sojourn in mortality is a period of probation, a time of trial and testing to see if we will do whatever the Lord commands us to do”

I wept as I watched a loving mother follow this counsel of teaching faith to a daughter that shortly thereafter, would hold with tenderness her first-born son, only to and watch him slip away beyond the veil to await a reunion that will someday come to our family.

Brothers and Sisters, as the signs of the times present themselves in the form of tornadoes, earthquakes in diverse places, the seas leaping beyond their bounds, wars, rumors of wars, bad moral decisions by leaders and celebrities. But let us remember what our beloved prophet has said:

“I testify to you that our promised blessings are beyond measure. Though the storm clouds may gather, though the rains may pour down upon us, our knowledge of the gospel and our love of our Heavenly Father and of our Savior will comfort and sustain us and bring joy to our hearts as we walk uprightly and keep the commandments.”

May be remember the counsel from a living prophet. Let us believe the Savior when he says that we need not be frightened or troubled as wicked men fulfill the less than desired prophecies as foretold by the prophets, for the prophecies must be fulfilled before His coming. On this day I hope with solemnity that we remember those who gave their lives innocently, and also to those that have given their lives for the past ten years in defending faith & righteousness and the many who continue to hold up their own “Titles of Liberty” in their own ways. May we hold up our own Title of Liberty of the restored gospel and move forward with faith, love, and hope, recognizing that the branch of the fig tree is yet tender, the leaves are beginning to show, and summer is nigh.

**This is one of those talks that I will hold dear to my heart. I am so thankful for my husband and family. May we all never forget.

Hannah's First Meet

A few Saturdays ago, Hannah had her first Level 3 meet of the season. We were at the Judges Cup in Birmingham. It was so nice not to have to get up and be in Birmingham at 8 am! I knew that she would do good, but I didn't know how good. I was so nervous for her the whole meet. She got through beam and looked great. Floor was next and she looked AMAZING!! Vault looked okay, but we can always work on that. Last was bars of course! I was so nervous for her and that stupid middle circle. When she was done she threw those arms up like she had won the Olympic all-around. Yes it was that good!!

She ended up 11th on Vault, 6th on Beam, 3rd on Floor and FIRST! YES FIRST on Bars!!! She was so excited to get up on top of the stand and get her Gold metal!!

Here is her all around picture. She ended up THIRD!!! We are so excited at how well the season has started!

Hannah's next meet is in two weeks. Stay tuned for more updates.

Katy's First Trip to the Operating Room

Well with school starting and us just generally being a busy family the blog has suffered again. I am so sorry for all of you out there in blogger world that have been waiting for an update from my little Smith family.

Here we go with what happened this week for us!
Katy had these huge tonsils that caused super loud snoring at night! I have wanted to get them out for awhile, but haven't been great at convincing anyone. This year was the year that I finally got an okay that they should come out. After a trip to the ENT here in Jacksonville, we got a yes they will be coming out, but after her visit to the cardiologist. Now this was because at her check up appointment the doctor and her medical student heard a heart murmur. Now all of you know that means for my kids a golden ticket, don't pass go, don't collect $500 trip to Birmingham with the cardiologists there. We had our appointment on September 1st and it all went well. I was glad that I could get through that appointment without loosing it! It was a little hard to be sitting with the department that would not do Ben's surgery almost 10 years ago. In the end, all was well with Katy. She has an innocent murmur that will not cause any troubles in her life. Katy did love getting to bring home a picture of her perfect heart.

So we found ourselves at Jacksonville Medical Center on Thursday morning. Katy and I got there at 6 am and Steve would come after he got the girls to school. Katy was generally very happy and was excited to enjoy some great treats after.

She had to get her blood drawn, but was okay when she got bubbles, stickers, bracelets, and loves on from mom! She put those bubbles to good use right away as you can see.

Then it was time to head down stairs. Katy really thought that it was cool!! A ride just for her!!!

Then it was time for her hat and happy meds! This girl is so silly when she got her happy meds! She told the birds while playing Angry Birds "I am coming to save you birdies!!" and told her daddy "You have 2 eyes!!" The little giggle was so cute! Before I knew it, it was time for one last picture and she was off to get some tonsils out!

It was a very long hour wait for my baby to get back into the recovery room. A little too long for me! Come to find out her tonsils were HUGE!! At least as big as silver dollars and her adnoids were just as big if not bigger than those tonsils. No wonder my baby could not sleep at night. I couldn't sleep if I had that much stuff in my throat! The doctor also told me that he put tubes in her ears too. Why? Well he started to clean them out and way too much stuff was in there. More and more wax. When he finally got down to her left ear drum, he noticed that there was a lot of fluid back there. He cut her ear drum and out came as he described it "syrup"! So Katy is a proud new owner of tubes!

I finally heard Katy crying in recovery and back I went. I dropped my bag and crawled into the bed with her. She was so mad from having a very hard time of waking up. It was an awesome thing to sit and hold my baby. I started singing to her the same songs I have sung to her since she was born of Teach Me to Walk in the Light and I am A Child Of God and instantly Katy was quiet. I could not believe how powerful those two little songs are for her. She did still fight a little bit but nothing like before I was in there with her.

We finally all got upstairs and Katy loved this trip back upstairs. She didn't look good after we got her back to her room and of course I got thrown up on again. It was all over me and her, but it did help since she went back into a more peaceful sleep right away.

It took us until around 3 that afternoon to get Katy home. Of course she didn't want anything at all. We had to take her to the doctor yesterday to get some pain meds in her and she really did feel better after that. Last night was long for all of us since of course she didn't want to take her meds at all! Heck the girl even fell asleep with the meds in her hand. I even have the proof.

This morning around 6 I had finally had enough of Katy being in pain. It was not pretty to try and get some medicine in her, but we did. It was then while I was talking to her that she started taking a few bites of a green popsicle. She probably ate a good quarter of it and even took a few sips of water. The both of us went back to bed until 9:30. Katy woke up and wanted water and even went potty! I was excited for her. She has now been nibbling on a few more popsicles and drinking her water! She just asked for her dad to make her some scrambled eggs! I hope this is a start of something good!

Sorry....no pictures today. Katy doesn't want anyone to see her today. I will try to have a few more updates later.