A WHOLE Nights Worth of Sleep!!!

I love my baby Katy! Little did I know last night when I went to sleep at 10:30 that I would be sleeping until 5:30 this morning!! I guess that's probably why a few hours before then that my boobs started hurting, but wanting sleep like any other mom with a baby. I did my best to just ignore that little fact. I was so wanting to hear that cry from Katy by 5:30 this morning. Let's just say that those breast pads couldn't hold everything that they needed too for that long.

SEVEN whole hours of sleep is what I needed!! Yippie!! The Lord really does send little blessings to me every now and then. I am very grateful today for the sleep that I got.

I love my baby Katy!!

Trunk or Treat 2007

The Weigh In

It's been a blast since the last time that I took a moment to write. It seems like depending on the day it's winter or summer. We are never really sure what to expect....SNOW or SUN?? Your guess is as good as mine, but that's Utah in the fall.

Last week was our appointments for the GI doctor for Hannah and Ruby. I'll just say that it didn't go all that well. Hannah was not feeling all that well and was having a sick day. Heck on the way there she said she needed to throw up, so I had to stop at the gas station on the way and get her to a bathroom!!! Thank goodness it was a little cool out that morning, so I could leave the other two in the car for just a minute. That was over and we were back on our way up to Primary.

We get up there and me with three kids is a normal sight these days and I didn't think that it would be a big deal since we were going to a hospital for kids right?!?!?! WRONG :-( The GI wait wasn't all that bad since there were toys for the kids to play with. The NP finally got in there and tried to do an appointment with my kids, but it was cut short because Ruby was being 'too loud' and 'it hurt her ears.'

**side note** For all of you that know Ruby we all know that she can be loud. Yes, let's vibrate your ear drums loud. Now this was not a super loud day at all. I would call it a low to medium day.

I guess that it didn't matter since I just wanted to get Hannah down to the ER anyway, but man I have never been told that I had to end an appointment early because my kid was too loud!!! I was still a little mad because you wait like 4 months to get into those guys and then you get shooed out the door!!! In any case we were on our way to the ER. We get checked in and wait of course. I think we went through 4 or 5 Popsicles between Hannah and Ruby. That visit went well with no real break downs from any of my kids, but what kills me is what happened when we were getting checked out from the ER. The lady comes in and says "So are you the day care lady for all of these kids?" My jaw dropped. What do you say to that?!?!? There was no Hi or Hello from that lady. She probably meant well and I know that my kids don't have my colors, but where is the tact??? I guess now that the joke is that I am the day care lady for my kids!!! Whoever left all of them has a HUGE bill to pay when they get around to picking them up!!! Yes Hannah is fine now.

That was my last week's big adventure.

Yesterday was fun. It was check up day for Katy and Ruby. Both girls are doing fine. Ruby cracks the scales at 23 1/2 pounds and is 33 inches long. Katy is 13 1/2 pounds and 26 inches long. That means she has grown 7 inches since she has been born!! I guess that I have miracle grow in my milk or something.

The girls are getting so big!! Well it's time to take care of the crying war in my house right now. Until our next big adventure.......

Early October 2007

WOW!! It's already October. It's getting a little late but I will do the quick update for now.

Last week was a busy one for us. I think that my van is in the shop once a week. At least last week they finally figured out that there was no correlation between the van's computer and my ABS system. Finally an answer and so it's back in the shop late this week to finally get fixed for good!!

Katy decided that she can roll over all by herself this week!! She is mobile and I'm never quite sure where I am going to find her any more. No more of staying on the couch for just a sec either. She decided that she could roll off of that too. Katy, Katy. I know it won't be too long and she will get the sitting up thing down and then be on to crawling. The fun is just beginning!!

Ruby has decided that she can talk talk talk this week!! There are new words that come out of that girl's mouth every day. I swear I don't know where she gets all of them but she does. I had to take Hannah into the doctor's and she blurts out "turtle!". Didn't know that she knew what a turtle was, but what do I know?!?!?

Hannah had a first this last week too!! She had her first case of strep throat. Totally blew me out of the water. No cough or sore throat. Only a fever that lasted less than a day with a headache and not sleeping at night. Crazy but that's what she had.

Well I guess that I had better get. I gotta long day tomorrow. Another fun day up at Primary Children's GI clinic. So much fun!!! NOT!

Baby Benjamin Alexander

Baby Ben Part 5

Okay.....part 5. Here we go. This is probably going to be the hardest installment for me to write about. I told a good friend that I am probably just going to sum it all up in a few paragraphs. Not because I don't want to write it all out for the world to see, but because the last few minutes with my baby are of a very scared time for me. I do not tell many people of my last few minutes and I'm not going to yet anyway. If I know you well enough, you will hear the story first hand from me. Now with that disclaimer, I will get to part 5. Our two very short hours with our baby Benjamin.

Baby Ben was my hero! He made a journey on this earth all by himself to Atlanta and back home to Birmingham. He was so strong for Steve and I and clung to life to see us again. I think it was easier for him to pass through to the other side knowing that he had come home to Mom and Dad.

The transport team had done their job on getting him home to us and now it was time for the tricky part of getting him from the incubator to the warmer without him crashing on us again. All went well and he was very stable. I would love a warm bed too!! Who doesn't?!?!? We as parents had a few minutes with him before we had our family come in two at a time to see him. I honestly don't remember who came in first or what order that everyone got visiting time. Now a lot of you don't know that my little brother has a brain tumor (that's in remission right now) and it was a few years after he found out. Garrett was so sweet with my baby. The understanding of him and Ben was something that I will never forget. That little moment in time of one who was so close to passing and the other who stood looking at the door of anytime we could get bad news again. He was so sweet as he held my baby's hand and cried.

While everyone was into visit, we were getting ready to take Ben off of all his machines that had kept him alive for us. By this time everyone had had a chance to come and say hi and finally it was my turn to hold my baby. Now I had not been able to hold him but for that brief moment right after he was born and it was time for me. He was so little and seemed at peace in my arms. Finally after 19 hours of being alive I got to hold my baby boy!!! I knew that time would not be long before we had to say good-bye, so very unwillingly I let his Daddy hold him for the first time. Poor Steve was a true first time Dad and wasn't really sure how to hold him. What new Dad really knows how to hold a newborn??

The hardest part of that was looking at my husband with all of the promises of a first born boy melt away for a time. No baseball games, Scouts, first game of catch, camping, or any of those things that Dad's do with their sons. It would be on hold for my husband and that was so hard to see. Father's are not supposed to cry, but mine did and my heart still hurts when I remember.

I know that all of our parents got the chance to hold Benjamin for a few minutes and then Steve got him for another few minutes and then it was back to me, the Mom. A few brief moments in time would be mine to hold him and say good-bye. By this time we had given him some medicine to help calm him down and not feel any pain. My Mom bless her heart gave me some good advice. To count his little toes and fingers just to make sure that I knew that he was so perfect. To take my time and look him up and down and let my heart take a picture. A memory that would last a life time until I saw him again.

My son Benjamin left this mortal world around 8 pm on Friday, September 21, 2001 in my arms. I felt my heart break in half knowing that he was here for so brief a moment and I still miss him today. But each day I try to make him smile in the things that I do in my life. I KNOW that I WILL see my son again and that we ARE an eternal family. Yes, time does heal some of the hurt and pain, but the lives his story has touched is wonderful. He taught me that being a Mother is the most important job in the world and that the most important thing in the whole world is LOVE. Christ gave his life for us because of love. After this experience, I could feel a little of what Christ's mother Mary felt when her son gave his life for each of us. I would not go back and change what I have been through for anything. I have learned so much and continue to learn from this experience. Please do not feel sad or sorry for my loss, but rejoice with me in knowing that I will see him again and the sorrow and tears will be replaced with joy and happiness when I see my baby Benjamin again.

Thanks for bearing with me for a five part story and cleaning out another box of kleenex tissues. Give your kids a Hug and tell them that you love them. That's all I ask.

Alicia, Benjamin's Mom

Baby Ben Part 4

WOW!! I didn't think that I would write this much to warrant a part 4, but it looks like I might even get a part 5 if the girls don't work with me here this morning. And sorry to all of you who have been left on a cliff hanger from part 3 and it's taken me a week to get back to my computer to write.

I last left off with us waiting for Benjamin to come back home. Those few hours were so long. We got a call that he had left Georgia and was into Alabama. I think they were around the Heflin exit (it's the first big exit once you get back into Alabama on I-20). We then were told that they would call when they were twenty minutes out from the hospital. During that time, I got so nervous and got butterflies in my stomach. Why I'm not sure. Probably because I really wanted to see my son but at the same time I knew that it would be good-bye for a season. The minutes seemed to go even slower while we all waited for that phone call. I think that I jumped when the phone rang telling us that he would be home in twenty short minutes. I was glad to have something to do because by this point everyone was just sitting around with nothing to say. What do you say when your child is going to die and everyone knows it??

We all got our stuff together and walked down to the NICU. It's funny the little things that I remember during this time. Like while we were walking down there the hospital had colored lines on the floor (i guess so people don't get lost to different departments) and the one to NICU was green. Steve's little brother Paul says "Man I feel like we are walking the Green Mile." I think that movie had come out a little before everything happened. So I had a little laugh on my walk to the NICU. Another thing that I remember is right before we got to the NICU is looking outside. The day was so pretty. The sun was about to set, so there were beautiful colors in the sky. Yellows, oranges, and even a little bit of pink mixed with the blue sky. It was beautiful and my heart took a picture. As the nurse escorted us to the waiting room for the NICU, I noticed on the door that the NICU was closed to all visitor's. It never clicked for me that it was closed because of my baby boy.

Well we get to the waiting room and that's where the pictures started. I remember my mom taking pictures and for us to Smile. We tried our best and if you have seen the scrapbook you know what I mean. Then we got to leave the rest of our family behind and Steve and I were called into the NICU to see our son. They wanted us to come in while he was still in his transport incubator because they said he might crash while they were moving him to his warmer and wanted us to be there. All the transport people were doing their stuff and we got to go say hi to our baby. One of the guys opened his incubator and told us that we could talk to him. My baby made it and he was home!!! He looked so peaceful while he was laying there. I think that it was Steve who said "Hi Ben" and this little boy of mine did something that they told us he would not do. He turned his head and opened his eyes!! He had the darkest brown eyes with a look of "Oh there you are. I am in so much pain can't you help?" My heart broke right then and there. That was the last time that he would open his eyes. He knew that he had made it home to Mom and Dad.

Sorry to leave everyone hanging again, but the girls are up and going crazy. I'll just edit this post and add some more in a little while. I hope today :-)