9 years ago.......

It was the night before my life would change forever. The hopes and dreams of bringing my first born son into the world were exciting, but little did I know that the Lord had another plan for Steve and I. We were to be parents to a perfect child that did not need to face the trials of a life on earth. Benjamin Alexander was to precious of a spirit to be here for very long. My only son who I love with all my heart was born 9 years ago tomorrow night. It seems like life is speeding up and that 9 years is a long time ago, but I can still close my eyes and see those beautiful chocolate brown eyes of his. I know that the heart can take a picture and my heart has many of those from those few minutes that we were together.

The sting of death is not so hurtful anymore and the grief is not so over powering anymore either, but there are days that I miss my son. I have been blessed with three little girls who are my world and I love them with all my heart. Each of them in their own way have helped me heal the wounds of Benjamin's death. I was given the perfect pet on what would have been my first Mother's day. Nutmeg is my special baby. She is the one who knows exactly when I need a cuddle. The Lord really has continued to bless me and the sting of 9 years ago is not as strong anymore. I look forward with much happiness of seeing my son again and knowing that as the years go by I am always closer to a joyous reunion. I have to live my life the best that I can.

Tomorrow as a family we will go visit Ben's resting place. Steve and I will share memories of our son with our little girls. We will sing happy birthday and leave flowers. It will be a happy day.

My love for my son is just as strong as ever. Benjamin may not be with us right now, but he is still apart of our family. I am grateful for the Plan of Salvation, Temple Covenants, and Eternal Families. I love you Benjamin Alexander Smith. Until we meet again in that wonderful place we call Heaven.